ÂMost men donât speak about their penis to their partner, so most women take it for granted that men donât worry about their penises until they come across the man who asks more than once for reassurance,â she told me.
To find out more directly what women think, I spoke with my daughter Alyssa, a fellow psychotherapist in Portland, Oregon, whose practice is largely female. The rationalization that âItâs not the size of my penis that matters, but who I am as personâ doesn’t really seem to put the matter to rest. The average human penis is about six inches long, but porn stars set the gold standard higher, at a whopping eight-plus inches. Watching pornographyâas do most men–can set off alarm bells. Into adolescence, popular films and shows like âHungâ and âSex in the City,â where attractive women vocalize their preferences for well-endowed men, doesn’t alleviate the anxiety.
Perhaps the anxiety begins in boyhood when, all too often, the first unforgettable penis comparison happens with a much bigger oneâa father’s or older brother’s.
A man is supposed to spread his seed and have the proper tool to do it with. Beyond athleticism, job prestige or earning potential, the powerful penis is considered the true physical manifestation of masculinity. There isnât a man whose uncooperatively limp penis hasnât embarrassed him at some time during sex.Īll of this pales in comparison, though, to the mortal fear of premature ejaculation or taking too long to come and boring, no pun intended, oneâs partner to death.Ī penis is tied to a manâs sense of his virility. Will he be able to sustain his erection? Letâs face it. Of course, if a guy deals with all these size issues and actually starts having sex without a panic attack, thereâs always the matter of sexual performance nagging at him. Prefer cut or uncut? Do you want to change that ? How often have men worried if they are going to measure up, literally, when getting naked with a new partnerâs previous lovers? Will a grin or a smirk greet the bared private part? And when itâs two men about to have sex, isnât there always that moment of anxiety when they wonder whose dick is bigger? One handsome, straight, young man told me, âMen think about their penis at least ten times a day.â Itâs the shame, thatâs coined a catch phrase: âIâm a grower, not a shower.â There isnât a man who hasnât compared the size of his penis to other men in the locker room or at the urinal, a sizing-up that leads to either a prideful smile or a sense of inadequacy. The guy with the big dick proudly asserts his entitlement with authority while the guy with the small dick bullies co-workers and acts like a-know-it-all. For some, life is a dick-wagging contest, a competition played out in the boardroom, bedroom and on the playing field. At the root of his self-worth is how he feels about the size of his penis and what he thinks about its ability to please his partners.Īs men, our relationship with our penises is a complicated affair related to our sense of power. The center of a manâs existence is his penis. ÂPenis Envyâ was published February 14 on and removed two weeks later. STANLEY SIEGEL UNCENSORED: The Truth About How We Feel About Penises.